There seems to be this movement (where it came from, I don’t know because nobody I’ve spoken with seems to agree with it) among women that the harder we work and the less time we spend on our selves or money we spend on ourselves, the better wives and mother we will be. Self care time for mamas is “wrong”.
Could this be a bigger pile of donkey poo?
Let me explain.
It seems that there is this unspoken competition among mothers that the busier and more tired you are and the more haggard you look, that it makes you a better mother.
Believe me when I say that I have been in the position of looking like I’ve been hit by a truck by noon on a Tuesday.
But does that really make me a better mom?
And if that is the measure of good mothering and “wifing”, then why are beauty products still a multi-billion dollar business?
Because in this crazy mixed up world, there are more women than not that want to be good wives and mothers, so if looking like we’ve been hit by a truck was the measure of good momming, then I would think that the beauty industry would have gone out of business by now.
It hasn’t. In fact, it’s doing pretty well actually; according to a 2018 study, the beauty industry is worth $18.8 billion and that is a 6% increase from 2017.
Say WHAT? That is billion. Yep, with a B.
Beside the fact that there is this unspoken rule among people that moms have to look like they’ve been hit by a truck to be a good mom, there seems to be even another layer on this lie.
That mom’s shouldn’t take time for themselves. Which is also horse poo.
Now, before we unpack that lie, I will say that there does seem to be the start of a swing in the opposite direction with there being people and even studies coming out about the importance of mothers taking time for themselves.
It’s hard, isn’t it? It’s really hard to take that time for yourself.
The ironic thing about this post is that as I am writing, at this very second, I am sitting here looking like I’ve been hit by a truck and I haven’t worked out today.
Currently, I am potty training my 3 year old and we are in the throws of multiple baths per day, spot cleaning the carpet from accidents, vacuuming and mopping to try to keep the house clean and free of urine smell, loads of laundry rolling through, and changing out the smell good warming pot thingy.
How’s that for a run on sentence? So, needless to say, yep. I get it.
I’m not just a fitness coaching telling you what you should do, sometimes I have to take my own advice and today, is absolutely one of those days.
Let’s really dig into self care time for mamas, shall we?
How is it that taking time for ourselves helps us love our families better?
Reason # 1 Self Care Time for Mamas is Important – It helps us recharge
Even if we are not sleeping during our ‘me time’. It gives us time to ourselves and gives us the time to recharge our batteries.
Sleeping is not the only way (64 self care ideas when you click that link) to recharge your batteries. I’ll tell ya, a good session of lifting some heavy things in the gym or going for a solid run really helps me get my mind right.
In fact, today, I’ve told my hubby that I need to take my ‘me time’ after my clients tonight because I have not had a second of rest since my feet hit the floor before 7:00 this morning.
I’ve warmed up my coffee 3 times, given 3 baths to a toddler, folded a mountain of laundry, and now while he sleeps, I’m writing this and about to work on client programming.
I MUST have that me time or I will be cranky which will then come out on my husband and my potty training toddler.
Getting angry with my potty training toddler is the last thing I want to do because he is learning something new, and he must be able to, what I call “fail forward” in an environment where mommy is not angry.
And my blessed hubby doesn’t deserve crankiness, either. He’s been at work all day, taking that time for me to go for a quick run will help our limited time together be more positive as well.
He takes me time too! We work together on this; he will go to the gym for his me time and I will have mine. We make it work.
Reason # 2 Self Care Time for Mamas is Important – It gives us time to think, plan, and dream
Have you ever noticed that you will get to the end of the day and you realize that you haven’t had a second to yourself to even think, let alone plan ahead?
Yep. Me too.
My brain is like an open web browser. There are a million tabs open, 5 are frozen, and the music is coming from somewhere in the mess.
Planning ahead is what helps us be successful not only in motherhood, but in reaching our fitness goals as well.
If we don’t have a plan or are able to plan ahead, then we’re just floating along from one thing to the next and wondering where our life is going.
Time flies, and if we don’t make our days intentional and purposeful, we will look up and all of the sudden realize that it is 5, 10, or even 20 years down the road and we just let time pass us by.
Taking that time for ourselves allows us to dream big, plan out how we’re going to reach those dreams and goals, and to think about what it currently going on in our own personal worlds.
Reason # 3 Self Care Time for Mamas is Important – It teaches our kids boundaries
This is a big one.
Whether we like it or not, kids will mimic and imitate what they see and hear. If we are constantly running ourselves into the ground by saying yes to everything and running from this commitment to that commitment, then they will think that it is perfectly normal to do the same and will grow up to be anxiety and stress filled adults.
We obviously don’t want that.
When our children see that mommy takes time for herself and it helps her recharge her batteries and she is setting boundaries for how she lives her life, they in turn will see that benefit and will imitate it.
It’s interesting, because there was once a family that I knew where the mother was great about setting aside time for herself a few times per week to go workout and/or get her nails done or something like that.
There were a few weeks that got away from her and she didn’t get it done and her children and husband actually told her to go and take time for herself.
They could see the difference it made in her and how she was better able to love them.
She wasn’t complaining and throwing a fit and screaming about how she hasn’t gotten her “me time”, she simply didn’t do it because she thought she had too many other comitmments and little did she realize that it was impacting her family.
Her family noticed, and they jumped in to help her course correct.
This is huge.
It was because she had inadvertently taught her children boundaries, that her children SAW the boundaries being stretched and the negative impact it had on her. So they talked to their dad and they went to their mom and got her back on the schedule that worked.
That’s a true story!
One of the biggest things that I hear from mamas when I encourage them to take some ‘me time’ is that they feel like they’re being selfish.
Taking time to take care of yourself is NOT selfish. It actually is vital to your success in your fitness goals and as a wife and mama.
I am a firm believer that living a healthy lifestyle is an excellent way to love on your family.
You’re loving your family through your lifestyle.
When you think of it that way and that taking the few minutes either every day or several minutes a few times each week to go get your workouts in or go get your nails done, it helps your mindset. It helps you keep your mind in that good place of, yes, I’m getting gthis time and spending this money on myself, but it will help me feel better and I’ll be recharged and ready to love on my family again.
Healthy living is not about extreme measures, it’s about balance and making solid decisions towards your goals everyday.
Reaching your goals will happen a lot faster if you simply take the time for yourself to be able to work on them.
You’ve got this, mama. I believe in you!