Has somebody ever paid you a compliment and you immediately try to start explaining it away? I know I have. Basically, what I’m telling that person is that they’re wrong or worse – they’re a liar.
Have I ever flat out told somebody “oh you’re a liar for saying that”?
Well, no, but my words explaining why they’re wrong is basically telling them they’re a liar. Plus, when we try to explain away compliments, it makes things supremely awkward.
Why is it so hard for us as women to take compliments?
What is the answer to the always present question “how to be more confident?”
Is there a reason for our lack of confidence? If so, what is that reason?
Answer? Lack of confidence.
Believe me, I’m not pointing a finger at you without having three fingers pointing right back to me.
I am the absolute worst at explaining away compliments.
The anxiety that I have that comes from receiving a compliment from someone says FAR more about me and my own personal struggles than what that person is telling me.
We can blame society and the unrealistic expectations that seem to be set all we want to, but when it comes right down to it; the reason we try to explain away compliments comes from within us and our lack of confidence.
What we’re actually telling these kind people that compliment us is that since we don’t believe these kind words being said about us, that they shouldn’t either.
We’re telling them that they should really reconsider what they think about us because we’re not worth the compliment.
Hard to hear, isn’t it?
When I came to this realization of what I was doing when I was explaining away compliments, that I was actually calling that person a liar and telling them they’re wrong – it hit me hard.
Who am I to tell this person they’re wrong for thinking these nice things about me?
What gives me the right to tell that person that they’re a liar? When in actuality, I’m probably the one that lies to myself about myself.
It comes down to an extremely prideful attitude. Because even if we’re not all puffed up about what we believe about ourselves, the focus is still on ourselves and what we get out of the situation.
At this point you’re probably thinking, okay, so that doesn’t answer my question for how to be more confident. Not only that, what does it have to do with healthy living?
I’m glad you asked…
First, let’s talk about confidence vs prideful behavior.
Confidence is being 100% okay with WHO you are. Does that mean that you’re 100% happy with yourself all the time?
Nope, it sure doesn’t. Being confident is that fine line between pridefulness (an extreme focus on yourself) and being sure of yourself.
Confidence is knowing that you will make mistakes along this life’s road but that you will get back up again and you will handle each situation with grace and dignity.-Amber
Having confidence is about knowing when it’s time to fight for yourself, your health and your family and when to back off with, once again, grace and dignity.
There’s nothing wrong with grace and dignity, by the way.
In fact, it’s quite a lost art. I far admire a woman who is strong and confident in who she is without being a brat about it. Because, often times, those that are the loudest are the least confident.
This beautiful type of confidence with poise and elegance comes with a healthy self-love and respect.
Being prideful is having an extreme focus on oneself and is far from self-love and respect.
Pride can be running head first into a situation or making a decision based off of what only you believe.
It can also be believing so ill of yourself that all you can think about is yourself and what other people think about you. Which, to be quite honest, can be extremely exhausting.
Believe me, I’ve been there.
The pride that I have long struggled with and am now telling you about is worrying about what other people think. Worrying about what they will say about me behind my back.
Because, believe me, there have been plenty of people talk bad about me behind my back and tell lies.
Especially when you start a business, people that know you from your hometown can often times be the most cruel.
For far too long I let what they would think about me guide my decisions and my actions.
It was only after I truly realized that they are not Who I am trying please, was I truly freed from that pride.
So, how do we approach a healthy lifestyle postpartum without allowing the anxiety of what other people might think paralyze us with fear?
How to be more more positive about your choices in healthy living? 2 words – With Confidence
Have you ever noticed that the people who seem to know the least about a subject are the loudest?
Why do you think that the people who are the true fitness professionals have the least amount of followers on Instagram?
While there are others who jump from one fad to the next and have horrendous form on movements have a captive audience of 100’s of thousands or even millions of people?
Don’t get me wrong, there are some true professionals who have that kind of following, but the vast majority are not truly professionals as they so claim to be. There have been many a news story of people getting hurt or ripped off.
Not that followers are everything, but following the bouncing ball as we come back from chasing that rabbit to the topic at hand.
Approaching this lifestyle with confidence and knowing that it truly will be a lifestyle is going to be the key to making sure that you are successful.
Because, mama, you and you alone are responsible for your success.
While nobody can guarantee results, you can follower someone with a proven track record of success.
Another way for how to be more confident in this approach to healthy living is understanding that there will be ups and downs coupled with failures.
I’ve seen quotes posted that say something like “there’s no such thing as failure, only lessons”.
Well, that sounds all nice and wonderful, but the ‘lesson’ comes from the failure. And, being woman enough to say, “hey, I messed up. Let’s try this again” is exactly where the lesson comes from.
It’s when we allow the failures to define who we are and our journeys that we get into trouble.
Did you know that when we approach areas of life with confidence, we tend to do better in the situation?
Let’s think about it.
When we go to the gym, if we go in with our head down and just try to move from machine to machine and keep our head ducked; we’ll probably not do our exercise properly because we’re too worried about if people are looking at us.
But, when we walk in with our chin level to the floor and just go in and do our thing; not only do we have better form and do our exercises properly, but we have an even bigger potential for actually enjoying our workouts.
Here’s a challenge for you, but first, a quick story…
Awhile back, I had a client that hated seeing herself in the mirror. She hated it with a passion.
One of the biggest problems with this is that the gym where I coach is covered in mirrors. The walls are literally lined with mirrors so that you can see your form.
Because, let’s face it, there are times that we feel like we look one way, when in actuality, we look completely different. Having those mirrors helps you see form and show your muscles working.
You can quite literally see those muscles developing and working and you getting stronger.
That said, my challenge to you is this:
When you are at the gym and are doing an exercise, find a mirror and watch your muscles flex and relax as you do the exercise. Focus on the fact that your muscle is getting stronger and building endurance with each and every single rep.
Why do this?
Because, it takes the focus off of what you “look like” and moves it to what you are actually doing.
You’re making your body stronger and healthier.
This post truly is meant to be a pep talk and helping you stand back up after you’ve messed up or if you’re feeling down on yourself.
Because, feeling down on yourself for too long can lead to a permanent feeling of being down which can lead to that poisonous thinking that you’re not deserving of a compliment from a stranger or family member.
Approaching this lifestyle with confidence and making those small choices every single day will help build that confidence back up and help you think, “yes, I really can do this”.
Don’t try to bite off too much at once.
Take each and every day as it comes; and make those solid small choices that seem insignificant at the time. Because they truly do add up.
Look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself as what you truly are.
Which is intelligent, strong, and beautiful. Yes, it’s okay to tell someone they’re beautiful. Contrary to what society is trying to tell us, deeply engrained in a woman’s being is the need to feel beautiful and I’m not afraid to say it!