I love a good story, don’t you? The kind of story that you can get wrapped up in and you can actually feel like you’re in the story with them. There is an author that I really enjoy her books and it’s because I can quite literally feel like I’m standing in the Tudor era court. My heart beats faster, I laugh with the character and sometimes I even cry.
While I am no Phillipa Gregory, I am going to try to tell you a story that will probably resonate with you and cause you take a step back and think about how you manage failure.
Ready? Let’s start.
There was once a girl that loved to try new things. She loved the excitement of learning something new and then testing new ways of doing that something new to see if those new ways would work like the old ways or even better. These tests often led to failure because, as we all know, not everything works out perfectly.
When she was young, the failure didn’t bother her so much. She was able to manage failure just fine. When she failed, she chalked it up to a learning experience and something that didn’t work and she moved on.
As she got older, the failure started to bother her.
She started to notice that there were other people that might see her failure and although she didn’t used to worry about what people thought, for some reason, she started to worry about what people thought.
This then turned into fear of failure and fear of doing new things because they “may not work out”.
See, this girl had been through some hurt and trials along the way in life and she allowed those trials to dictate how she thought and who she was. That is, until she remembered who she was and Who she belonged to. It was then that the game of life completely changed and she plowed forward into her calling.
In case you haven’t caught on, the girl in the story is me.
See, my entire life, I loved to try new things. I loved to test things and see if they were true. There were even times that I thought the expert was stupid and that I knew better and would try to do it a different way and I’d end up like Seamus in Harry Potter where it blows up in his face. Seamus is my hero in how he is able to manage failure. He simply acknowledges it and moves on with his life.
Now, there are certainly times that the expert is wrong, but that isn’t the point here.
Just for funzies, here’s another quick story-
My most recent failure? The way I started this business. I dove head first into starting this business two years ago without doing any sort of research of how to properly start and I just started. I bought all kinds of classes and studied for my three fitness licenses that I have and I just thought everything could be piece-mealed together and it would work out.
Boy was I WRONG.
It was a few thousand dollars and several business mistakes and a lawyer (yes, an actual attorney) telling me that I needed to re-brand to save my business that I finally decided to quit thinking I knew how to do it all and accept the fact that I needed expert help.
I’ll admit, I wallowed in self pity for about a week. I didn’t do anything with the business and I allowed our house to go to shambles and I only wore enough makeup to not look dead while I met with my clients.
To say I was wallowing in my self pity was quite the understatement.
It was when my amazing man sat me down and with all the love in his heart that shown through his eyes said to me “You have to get a hold of yourself. You feel called to do this. You have told me that. It’s time to move forward and try again. Now, go take a shower and come out when you’re ready.”
Talk about love, right? Even if it was tough love.
You’re probably asking what the heck the point is and why I told you these stories.
Well, it’s to help you step out of your comfort zone and to fix that fear of failure.
As wives and mamas, especially mamas that work, we need things to be straightforward, scheduled, and quite frankly, simple!
Life doesn’t always work that way though. Let’s talk about how to overcome failures which will in turn help you to overcome that fear of failure.
- First thing is first. We must realize that failure is part of life. That doesn’t mean that it is a death sentence, it means that you’re human and it’s proof that you’re trying
- This also doesn’t mean to keep trying the same thing over and over again hoping for different results. The yo-yo dieting you keep doing hoping the weight will “stay off this time”? It won’t. UNLESS you change your tactics and make healthy eating and solid workouts and being active a lifestyle.
- Next step to manage failure is to assess the failure. Now, listen up, this doesn’t mean that you stew about it and worry and wallow in it.
- It means that you’re a big girl and you look at the situation, and try to figure out where you went wrong. If you can’t see where you went wrong, that’s okay. Accept the fact that whatever you did, didn’t work and move on with your life. Girl, you have far too many things in life to take care of than to sit and wallow in the pit of a failed circumstance
- Step three to manage failure – realize that what you did, didn’t work, and don’t do it again.
- Here’s where we as women tend to get tripped up. We tend to try the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
- Perfect example? People used to believe that 100 sit ups a day would give them six back abs. No. It doesn’t. It takes much more than bending your body in half while squeezing your abdomen to get 6 pack abs. But people kept and still do try that tactic. See where I’m going with this? Don’t keep trying the same thing over and over again. Accept the fact it didn’t work, and try something different.
- Bonus tip- is weight loss your goal? Find someone who knows what they’re talking about in regards to weight loss *ahem* you’re reading her writing right now. And take their advice and run with it. Don’t try to piece-meal it together. Stay focused.
- Last but probably the most important piece to manage failure is to realize that you yourself are absolutely 100% not a failure. You failed, but you are not a failure.
- A good example of this is mommy guilt. UGGGGHHH mommy guilt. It’s so real, y’all. I know for me, I tend to start thinking that because I didn’t spend X amount of time with my Josh that I’m a failure as a mommy.
- No! That’s not the case. Being a good mom isn’t about spending every waking second with your child(ren) and giving them everything they want.
- It’s about being the imperfectly perfect mommy who tries her hardest and loves them enough to get up at crazy early hours to get her work done to be able to spend time with them and not be afraid discipline them when needed. You’re not a failure. Yes, sometimes we fail. But that doesn’t make us failures .
That’s a relief, right?
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Amber, you don’t know what I’ve failed at or what is going on in my life.
Hey, you know what? You’re right. I don’t know what is specifically going on in your life, but the fact that you’re still reading this tells me that these stories resonated with you and you needed a friend to tell you that just because you failed at a few things doesn’t make you a failure.
Here’s another thing I’m confident in –
These four steps can quite literally be applied to any failure in life whether big or small.
They’re all encompassing and they will help you overcome those failures. Because when we just wallow in the failure, it effects our mental health which effects our overall health.
And guess what? You don’t have time for that. Nobody does!
So, today, as you finish reading this post and close out the browser, I want you to remember that you are absolutely 100% not a failure. You’ve absolutely failed in your lifetime. But who hasn’t?
It’s how we handle the failures in life and apply the lessons that we learned that make all the difference.