**If you’re here to read this because you think this is a husband bashing post, you’re in the wrong place. This letter is a letter from wife to husband that is fairly raw and honest. So, let’s jump right in.
Girls, sometimes when we get married things happen to our bodies that we never intended to happen in the first place and we want to talk to our husbands about it.
We have babies and then being an awesome wife and mother takes priority. I totally get it. I’ve been there.
Are you not good with words but you want to get your point across in a loving but straight forward manner? Use the letter below. It will help open up that line of communication with him that might be a bit uncomfortable, especially if you’ve never had to have the conversation. When you’re not good with words, sometimes a bit of help is needed to get the conversation rolling.
And guess what? That’s totally okay. This letter isn’t about starting a fight, this is about starting a conversation between two life mates.
“My Dear Husband,
There’s something on my mind that I’ve been wanting to talk to you about, but it wasn’t until this morning that I realized it wasn’t a matter of wanting to talk to you about it, it’s a matter of needing to talk to you about it. As you well know, I’m not easily embarrassed, but this is a topic of conversation that I can honestly say I’m a little embarrassed about. I feel like I have failed myself and have in a way, failed you as a wife. Please bare with me as I try to articulate what I am feeling.
Thank you so much for being willing to listen to me and for taking my feelings very seriously.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, though you’ve never said anything, I no longer look like I did when I walked down the aisle in my white dress, in the best shape of my entire life and we pledged our lives to one another. That day was one I will never forget. In that moment the last thing on my mind was the hard times we would inevitably face and the new normals we would have to figure out. Over the past few years things have been happening to my body and it wasn’t until this morning that I realized how much I desperately needed to talk to you about it.
This morning while getting ready for work, my dress wouldn’t zip. To you, that may not sound like a big deal, but to me, I was horrified. It was confirmation of what I was fearing was going on. When I realized the dress wouldn’t zip, I slowly slipped back out of the dress and went back to the closet to find some pants with a stretchier waste band that were still suitable for work. The sense of failure I felt was humiliating as I had to wiggle on the stretchy pants instead of my fitted dress. To say that my self-confidence was flushed down the toilet is probably the understatement of the century.
I hid my tears from you because I know how you think self-confidence is the sexiest thing I could wear. Here’s a secret for you though; my self-confidence is shot. You know the career dreams I have and you know that I have bore your child, and you know that you are the most important thing to me. As I have focused on those top threes in my life, my body has slowly slipped. My tired eyes and exhausted body just reach for the closest thing to eat and my workouts have been less and less.
Not only is my self-confidence shot, I quite literally hate the way that I look. No, I’m not morbidly obese or even close to it. But, these extra 20 pounds that don’t seem to go away since having our baby that I carry on my frame really has taken a toll on my health and well-being. I’m tired and many of my clothes do not fit anymore.
Don’t believe me? Here are some examples of thoughts in my head about myself:
- “What a nasty fat roll I have”
- “I’ve really let myself go, he’s going to find someone else”
- “How many chins do I actually have?”
- “I’m so gross. How did I get this way”
- “Why can’t I look like her? She’s married too but she looks amazing.”
- “I’ll never reach my career goals because I can’t even keep my weight under control”
- “How do her abs look like that? Mine look like biscuits bursting out of a can”
That’s just to name a few. I haven’t exactly been easy on myself, but I’m ready to make a change. Another bet I am willing to make is that you didn’t even realize that these thoughts were going on inside of my head. It can be a tough life for a girl feeling like she has to be it all and do it all. “Be a good wife.” “Be the perfect mother.” “Have the most amazing career.”
The pressures from society are exhausting.
Somewhere along the way, whether it was consciously or subconsciously, I thought that my “assignments in life” were more important than keeping myself healthy. Then, this morning when my favorite “big girl career” dress wouldn’t zip, and tears rolled down my face while our baby cried to be held and all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers; I realized how wrong I really was. I was devastated and it hit me that my health must take priority and I need some major help in getting back to my old self.
The woman that I saw in the mirror this morning is not the woman I want to be both physically and mentally. Where did this person come from that doesn’t like anything about the way she looks?
Here’s where you come in.
Although you’ve not said anything about the weight gain both through the pregnancy and after, your lack of communication in regards to your praise of how I look has spoken louder than any words you could say. Meaning, your lack of words are words enough to let me know what you really think.
I’m not mad, but I am asking you to open your eyes to what is actually happening here and to join me in the quest towards a healthy lifestyle.
Your opinion of me means so much. The world today tells us that we as women ‘don’t need no man’ and while in extreme cases this may be true, I see our situation as very different. You are my life mate. My partner. The love of my life and you matter to me. Your opinion of me matters to me.
Not only that, I need you to go through this process with me of getting back on track. I’m not asking you to go on a diet with me, I’m asking you join this healthy journey with me.
To make this process work, we each need to have set expectations of each other and keeping in true form of my planning-it-out-self, here is what you can expect from me, and what I expect from you.
You can expect from me:
- Healthier meal choices
- Waking us up early to go workout before work
- More positive talk about myself
- Praising you for your progress and how you look
- Last, but not least… well. Let’s just say you won’t be disappointed with this last expectation.
What I expect from you:
- Help keep me accountable on meal choices for us, help prepare the meals, and for you to eat them
- Keeping me accountable of eating enough good food so that I do not slip into an eating disorder without realizing it
- Taking care of our little one while I’m at the gym
- Going to the gym either on your lunch break or after work. We don’t have to do the same workouts, we know what to do for ourselves, we just need to do it
- Encouragement regarding my progress and weight loss but not until you mean it; which I know you will
You’re my best friend. Please take my hand and walk this road with me. I’m ready to make a change, to stop surviving and start living. I’m ready to feel good about myself again.
Be there for me as I will be there for you. Let’s go on an adventure.
I love you forever,
If you’re still reading this,
Chances are that this spoke directly to you and you’re wondering if you should send this to your husband.
Three words: Go For It.
This isn’t about husband bashing, this isn’t about starting fights; it’s about taking back your life and asking your life mate to walk beside you on the journey. Asking for help does not make you any less of a woman nor does it make you weak. The buddy system is always relevant.
A healthy lifestyle is not a destination, it is a journey. There will be mountains and valleys, there will be victories and defeats. It’s how you handle the ups and downs that really count.
Life is always better with your best friend. Make your lifestyle your special project. Live your life together by being able to run free. Get up early and get to the gym so you can train dirty. Eat real food. Journey in such a way that when you look back at 80 years old, you can say,
“We Lived Well”
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